I recently had the awareness that those reflexive 'coping strategies' that I judge within myself are actually brilliant. For years I would judge and berate myself for doing things that I deemed 'self-sabotage'. I could see that these patterns weren't helping me get to where I wanted to go (consciously). But I was missing an interesting perspective on them. One that, as I am discovering, is a profound reframe that allows the resistance to diffuse and lets them fall away with much less effort than before.

Viewing these coping strategies (anything from procrastination to drinking) as brilliant adaptations to keep me safe allows me to see my whole system (mind, body, heart - subconscious and conscious awareness) all as a beautiful system. My whole being is designed to keep me safe and healthy! The way it slips in there to protect me from 'dangers' --both real and imagined-- is amazing. Truly!

Now, does my system understand what's going on and get it right every time? Nope. Not even close. I am coming to see that as a communication problem. Just like in any relationship (me with another person or me with myself) the health of the relationship and the ease of relating is determined by the communication. I could do a better job of communicating with my internal regulation about what I want, what is safe, and what no longer serves me. It's that simple and that profound. What is being reflected to me in those moments of slipping into unhealthy behaviors is not that I am broken and irredeemable... au contrare! It's revealing to me where I can clarify my internal communication. My system is telling me that something is viewed as a threat! That's it.

I can remove my judgment and look at it in a pragmatic way...

What is happening? What is this revealing about how my unconscious is viewing my current circumstances? How can I have an awareness of this and also work to communicate my current conscious choice of what will serve me in this moment? How can I communicate to my system that all is well and I am choosing to change course?

I am in relationship with myself. How can I continue to communicate in a loving way to all parts of myself that may not be on the same page as my conscious awareness?

I am finding this to be revolutionary to my goals of changing past behaviors that no longer serve me.